Handling tragedy: HR’s role when an employee or their loved one dies

Death can be an uncomfortable topic for most. But when it touches the workplace coworkers need to know how to react.

Easier said than done, especially when there is no HR-led protocol to guide. However, the demand for more grief support in the workplace is growing. Approximately 85% of 1,017 respondents say they want employers to commit to fostering grief-supported environments, according to New York Life Foundation’s 2024 State of Grief Report.

And at the same time, the loss triggers a series of sensitive and essential responsibilities that HR needs to take on. From handling administrative tasks to providing support for grieving staff, HR plays a crucial role in navigating the aftermath of an employee’s death. 

“Most people don’t know how to handle it and don’t know how to handle it when it comes up,” said Kyle Smith, an HR consultant with 25 years of experience. “No one’s ever ill-intended, they want to do their best. By taking the lead not only does it give the person comfort, but eliminates the awkwardness for those around it who are like ‘They’re coming back, do I say I’m sorry? Do I send a card?’”

We spoke to HR professionals to understand how to get through a challenging time while highlighting the importance of compassion and professionalism in managing both the practical and emotional aspects of the situation.

Plan what you can ahead of time

It sounds counter-intuitive. You can’t foresee when someone is going to pass away. However, what HR can do is work with an employee who has been sick or an employee whose parent might be sick and is suspecting a loss in the foreseeable future. 

When it comes to a colleague’s loved one nearing the end of life, this can be especially helpful. For example, Smith was the HR manager of someone whose parent passed away, but Smith knew their exact wishes thanks to conversations ahead of time. This person did not want anyone to attend the funeral, did not want to be in the office when the news was shared, and wanted to ensure they weren’t included in workplace communications about it. This helps answer the questions of coworkers who might not be sure what to do, while also respecting the wishes of the person who is grieving. 

“I’ve found every employee who knew that it was coming to that, appreciated the fact that I took an interest in wanting to respect their wishes,” said Smith.

He’s asked workers who are expecting the death of a loved one questions like: What is going to make you the most comfortable? How would you like me to communicate it? What is the timing? How much detail do you want us to give?

Other people have requested that the details of the service is shared, but once they return to work they don’t want the subject brought up.

“HR runs the point of this,” said Smith. “We are taking the lead. Ideally, you’re in enough touch with an employee to know this is happening.”

Let the grieving decide what is best

As Smith mentioned, this person didn’t need their coworkers to show up at the funeral when their loved one died. Smith has seen wishes across the spectrum, from people who go back to work the next day to others who are happy to have their colleagues attend the funeral or send flowers. 

Whatever the choice is, it’s helpful to know what their wishes are so that the company can accommodate them accordingly. 

When it comes to a colleague who has passed away, it is helpful for HR executives to ask family members what is preferred with sharing information regarding visitation times and beyond. 

Leaving the details out of it

This is one time when HR should definitely avoid oversharing. 

“HR should keep the information shared to a minimum such as when the employee died, whether it was unexpected or if they had a long-term illness,” said Antonio Fletcher, head of employment at law firm Whitehead Monckton. 

If they are unsure, they should go back to checking with the employee’s family if the messaging is OK.

At the same time, Fletcher says that timing is important in delivering the news. Employers should notify staff as soon as possible. This prevents employees from finding out from another source, such as social media. Kate Nudds, a grief and positive psychology coach, doubles down on this. “The rumor mill will be working quicker than you can get communications out there. You want to be as quick as possible,” she said.

“Employers may wish to tell those who worked closely with the employee or were close friends with them first and separately, of the passing in person,” said Fletcher.

Provide resources

Needless to say, most colleagues will be grieving after the loss of a coworker, whether they were close friends or mere acquaintances. It’s a time of sadness that is unavoidable. That is why HR needs to provide resources to help people and give them space to express their emotions. 

For example, Smith provided resources for its Employee Assistance Program. Fletcher also suggests that companies seek external bereavement support if needed.

HR can also help coach managers about how to respond to any questions that might come up during team meetings. In some instances, particularly in larger organizations, the news might originally be shared by managers instead of HR. In some ways, this is preferred, as most people have working relationships with their manager and not always HR.

From there, some folks might be tasked with hiring for the replacement of the deceased, something that will likely require additional grievance resources. “If it’s a teammate, and now you have an empty chair sitting there or it’s replaced with someone new, that can be especially difficult,” said Nudds. Team or individual counseling might be one way to go.

Earlier this month, the New York Life Foundation internally launched six modules that are curated for those who are tackling the issue of grief in the workplace. When someone requests bereavement leave, the person who submitted it and their manager are automatically sent resources, including these modules.

“The only thing that really holds people back is the worry they’re going to say or do the wrong thing,” said Heather Nesle, president of New York Life Foundation. “That’s where these tangible tips come in. The modules are built to give people the reassurance and the knowledge to approach the situation in the right way.”

The modules will be shared externally by the end of the year and will be free of charge for those interested in providing grief support to their employees.

Provide ample time off

New York Life Foundation’s report also found that only 63% of respondents report having dedicated time off specifically for bereavement, with a mere 47% receiving paid leave for such circumstances. In any way that a company can support prolonged paid time off, they should. 

“We’re trying to create a collective culture of caring so that folks are prepared to help their colleagues through this really important moment,” said Nesle. “It helps ease them back into work.”

In 2021 New York Life Foundation changed its own policy to over 15 days of leave over a six-month period, where employees define who the loved one is. Additionally, employees can now leverage the company’s emergency assistance program which offers $5,000 in grant funding for burial services to those who do not have the resources.

Offer condolences to the family of the employee

Employers need to spend their time offering their condolences to the family, especially as they might be in communication with them frequently as they manage things like returning their personal belongings, company property, and so on. This might look like sending flowers to a funeral, providing food, or sharing a book of memories of their colleague for their family. Nudds says she’s seen other companies arrange for a funeral to be paid for, plant a tree in memoriam, or even look out for their children. “It’s taking the pressure off where you can,” said Nudds.

From there, the employer shouldn’t cut contact, but instead act as a prolonged point of contact should the family have any questions about matters such as pension, pay, or other benefits. 

“I think there aren’t a lot of issues everybody can agree on in that amount these days,” said Nesle. “You’re hard pressed to find somebody who doesn’t want to help when someone suffers a loss.”