Walking the line between manager and therapist

Conversations around mental health in the workplace are happening more often than before, with many workers bringing up personal issues they are experiencing to their managers. But where’s the line between being a manager and a therapist?

Oversharing when it comes to mental health issues can blur the lines between personal and professional relationships, potentially eroding a manager’s authority and breeding problems down the road, according to workplace experts. And being too ingrained in an individual employee’s mental health issues can also lead to manager burnout.

Accordingly, managers must delicately set some boundaries while remaining in tune with and empathetic to the experiences of their staff both in and outside of work.

“Managers can be very supportive and very caring and very warm towards their staff, which are all qualities therapists have. But the distinction is they’re not their friend, and they’re not their therapists,” said Alison Ross, a licensed clinical psychologist.

Talking about one’s mental health has become less stigmatized across age groups following the pandemic, which brought greater awareness to such conditions. About half of managers feel confident in having conversations about mental health with their staff, according to a survey from Calm that included responses from 4,000 global workers taken earlier this year.

“Managers can be very supportive and very caring and very warm towards their staff, which are all qualities therapists have. But the distinction is they're not their friend, and they're not their therapists."

Alison Ross, licensed clinical psychologist.

But managers also have a huge impact on their employees’ mental health and have a growing responsibility to help them. Over half of workers said their managers have an impact on their mental health, the survey found, and managers said a top stressor for them is balancing their own responsibilities while supporting individual employees’ mental health.

Gen Z workers were the most likely group to say their manager has a negative impact on their mental health, though they also said they feel the most equipped to have conversations about it with their bosses, according to the survey.

One good practice for managers is to work to address mental health concerns as they relate to one’s work performance, rather than speak too much about what’s happening outside the workplace, Ross said. That doesn’t mean not sharing about a break-up or family problem, but more so focusing on the impact a problem is having on one’s work and what support is needed to better help them do their job, she said. It’s also a good rule of thumb for employees when debating how much personal information they should divulge with their bosses.

“Anything that is going on that is going to impact your work and what the expectations are for you in your work environment, it is definitely an opportunity to have a conversation with your manager,” said Courtney Council, a licensed mental health counselor and regional clinic director with Thriveworks. And it’s crucial managers are familiar with the mental health services at their company to best direct staff to resources when they need them.

“Anything that is going on that is going to impact your work and what the expectations are for you in your work environment, it is definitely an opportunity to have a conversation with your manager."

Courtney Council, licensed mental health counselor and regional clinic director with Thriveworks.

Ultimately, managers have to truly grasp their role in the relationship and what they can and can’t help with, Council said. Most issues outside the workplace are best handled by an outside professional, and letting staff know that’s the case while also directing them to available resources is an effective way to get them the help they need.

Overall, simply listening is the most important thing managers can do for staff in these situations, Council said. “Just hear what they’re saying, and be able to say that back to them, to make sure that you’ve understood and comprehended everything that they spoke about,” she said.

When having these conversations, managers also might end up sharing a bit about themselves to show their empathy and understanding of the issues their staff members are facing, though that can backfire and experts say managers should approach this situation with caution.

“Sharing your own experience while in the moment may feel very bonding, and it may help the employee feel they aren’t alone in this, but I think it’s problematic, because I think it then takes down another layer of the workplace roles that each of us occupy,” Ross said.